In his sermon last week, Karis Elder Ryan Worley shared this story and psalm from his wife, Melissa. God has set her free and has given her hope! Her Story
Let me tell you a story of a little girl who had a very tainted and distorted view of God from a very early age. You see she was the victim of years of sexual abuse by her great grandfather who was known by others as an elder and leader in the local church. She was told to never speak of it. To keep it a secret from the world. She was silenced. When the secret was finally disclosed to her mother nothing was done. It was all swept under the rug and overlooked. No one came to her rescue. No one protected her. When she was only 7 years old her dad was killed in a construction accident. She was lost in a world of hurt and began to cry out. One day she told her mother that she was mad at God. Her mother’s response was to yell at her in anger and tell her that she could not say things like that. She was silenced. She was convinced that she could not cry out to God and express how she truly felt. To question why things had happened the way that they did. To ask if God was good. To know where he was during all of the pain and hurt and abuse. She still chose to believe in him and follow him but with a tainted view of who he really is. She feared that if she questioned God about her past or expressed her anger that she would find that he was never there. That she had been abandoned.
She was encouraged by a group of believers to revisit her past. To allow herself to feel all of the suppressed emotions surrounding the abuse and painful losses. She was encouraged to ask God where he was and why it all happened. God was faithful to answer her. He showed her that like the Israelites he had surely known her sufferings and afflictions. She found great freedom and hope in knowing that Jesus understood because he had endured the same on the cross. But God took it a step further and told her that not only had Jesus endured similar afflictions on the cross, but that each and every specific moment of her abuse and suffering had been pinned on the cross and it was taken care of, it was finished by Christ even before it happened to her. He claims victory over those hurts. The most comforting of all was when God told her that he was there all along, holding her, his precious daughter. He had never left her.
Oh Lord my Father where are you? Have you abandoned me and rejected me as your own? This small child’s heart is sad, alone, afraid, violated, and abandoned, searching for your presence, your face. I am unable to find you to sense you near. I cry out for you to come running and protect me, to rescue me from this agony. How long oh Lord must I wait? And why? Why in all of your might and power did you allow it? I cry out for answers seeking the truth, your truth. Yet all the while believing the kind of lies. I volunteer my wrists to be chained by his hateful lies. He has blinded me to the truth, your truth. I have been convinced that this heavy cross of guilt, shame, and anger is mine alone to carry as if it were too much to add to your load on the cross. He has deceived me and tricked me into believing that following after the true and only Savior means to live in bondage instead of freedom. That I must come to the cross put together and without blemish. Oh Lord I cry out for your truth and redemption. I take refuge in knowing that you have surely seen my pain and afflictions and you know my sufferings as well as my sins for you have taken it all on your cross for you alone to forgive at the cost of your precious blood. Oh lord my God I choose to sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy. I rejoice that your mercies are new every morning and you earnestly seek to redeem the broken hearted. Oh father, by your wounds I am healed. You make my mess into a masterpiece. Yes, you are enough! You are more than enough for me!